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bah

Hmmmm... tricky situation. But my advice to you would be wait. It doesn't matter what the situation, moving in on somebody else's gf/bf while they are still with them is a dirty thing to do. If they are as bad as you said, they won't be together long. So she will eventually be single. It may be hard to wait and hold yourself back, but this way you can at least keep your friendships and also get the girl. Plus, she is in an emotionally vulnerable state right now, and although she likes you it's better to wait until she can sort herself out too. Also, there is a kid involved... which makes it much harder. You are not just breaking up a relationship, you would be breaking up a family.

Okay sorry, that was quite adamant But I believe strongly in not breaking up relationships, no matter the reason. A relationship is between two people, and it is their choices that should decide it's future. You could very well be the cause of the break-up, if the girl decides she really wants to be with you, but you shouldn't actively try to pursue her and jeopardize your friendship with her bf.

Took the words right out of my mouth.
(though I've never been in a relationship, so I'm probably not the best person to give advice anyway.)

Isik, why would you be sorry.  Nothing to be sorry about what you said is way tamer than what I was expecting to get.  And makes me wish this girl wasn't staying with my friend for the next two weeks (seeing as I see this friend almost daily) and will now be seeing her daily as well.  The good news is unless I am drinking or medicated I prolly won't have the courage to really say anything to try and break them up, let alone wan't to put that kind of pressure on her. 

Kat, be thankful you haven't had to deal with relationships I think I would have been much happier as a munk.  But that's not what my family would have wanted.  As it is I'm already hearing about it all the time for being almost 26 and not having settled down and given my mother grandkids .

Kat, be thankful you haven't had to deal with relationships I think I would have been much happier as a munk. 

...'Munk'? As in, 'chipmunk'? o_O
....yeah, I guess you would be happier like that. o_O
All jokes aside, chin up. Things'll work out for you sooner or later. 

Ok since I brought it up here I thought I might as well update the thread in case you two were wondering whats going on. 

The biological father (to be reffered to from now on as the sperm donor) is not in the picture.  She told him that she wanted him to be a father to his son, but has not been in love with him for months and doesn't even like him and will never be with him again.  So he is out.

Bah. 

Sorry don't really expect anyone to read this but need to vent.

So after wanting to spend all of her time with me and getting to the point where she was telling me she loved me, she lost it and stopped talking to me for a few days out of the blue.  Then said that she had to break up with me cause she had to at least try to give him one more chance cause he promised he would change.  Instead he didn't listen to her, moved in when she asked him not to, didn't help her with the kids, quit his job and made her pay for everything, then gave her a ring and started telling everyone they were engaged. 

Of course at the point she said she had to give him a 5th chance I was done, mad that she just wasn't honest with me at first, and hurt.  So I took off for one of my trips and didn't communicate with her after that so as to not cause problems with the dad.  This is of course when he moved in and all that other crap right. 

Well a month later she see's me getting into my van in a parking lot and I of course ignore her and leave because it's just not worth the hassle.  Not 5 minutes go by and my phone is going off.  So I answer and play nice right and just be her friend.  I mean I did/do care about her and when you care about someone the only thing that should matter is their happiness so I was fine with just being friends.  Then she started flirting, I of course ignored it not because I thought they could make their relationship work but because at this point she has proved fickle enough that I am not gonna get sucked back in.  And since she was technically still with him and just not breaking up with him cause she didn't want to go through the hassle even though she knew it was the right thing to do, I really didn't want a part of it cause I'm sorry but there is no way I'm going to compete for someone's affection.  You either want to be with me or you don't.

The whole time she does nothing but complain about him and say that they just can't make things work and there is just no chance for them, yet she doesn't kick him out and actually force him to leave.  Well last week she finally did it, gave him the ring back, told him they weren't gonna work, she was miserable being with him, and he wasn't happy being with her either he was just to afraid to let it go.  Well he ignored her and refused to leave.  So she just ignored his existance.

So this entire time she has been calling and asking me to come see her and flirting and talking to my mom as my mom apparantly really likes her and they have both been plotting seperatly to get us back together apparantley.  Well friday I was at the hospital all day because my mother was having surgery to have a possibly cancerous lump removed from her breast (test results came back finally no cancer) and guess who shows up.  And she brought her kids who I have been avoiding meeting cause it's not fair for them to get to know me and like me if there isn't going to be something there.  She stays alittle while then leaves as the kids where ansy and none of them could see mom anyways.  But she didn't stop calling my phone all day long and finally came out and very bluntly said "i'm sure you have noticed but I have been flirting with you alot and I miss you, and I really don't want to rush into anything this time and I want to take things very very slow but I want you back."  I of course was like 'Huh".  So I went to visit her while she was working saturday morning for a bit and then for a bit again on sunday morning to just hang out and talk.  Well Sunday night she shows up with kids in tow to visit my mom and we all end up spending time together, playing with the kids (who are great and she knows kids are my weakness), mother even tried to take the kids and go for a walk to give us time alone without trying to be obvious about what she was doing (So not like my mother, she has never liked anyone I dated, and always hated them after the break up).  But she just had surgery so there was no way that was happening and we ended up going with and getting to walk with the kids adn play with them.  Since then her call volume has increased from a couple times a day to 8-10 times a day minimum, and has wanted to me to hang out with her every night (I'm taking tonight and tomorrow night off cause I am just too confused at this point).  Monday she even arranged it so that we got to go out to dinner with a friend and surprise the stalker dad showed up and tried to start a fight.  Unfortunatley for him I like the place we where at so I have spent lots of money there many times and they like me including the owner.  So he ended up being escorted away when he tried getting in our faces. 

Now of course he has calmed down and apparantley is acting like an adult and accepting that they just aren't good for each other and being civil.  Then of course she wanted me to hang out with her tuesday and wensday nights as well.  As for as she is concerned we are apparantley now in an exclusive dating relationship where we won't be dating other people but aren't quite boyfriend and gf just yet because we are taking things slow so she doesn't repeat her past mistakes. 

OK so what is the current problem you ask. 

I don't think I'm cool with this.  I mean I care about her I really do, and I want her to be happy, and I love being around her.  But I am so not good at the taking things slow and after she had already told me she loved me said she wanted to marry me then flipped it all..... 

I mean I know she cares she has missed me and been obvious about trying to get things started with me again for months, and she obviously cares cause she wants to talk to me all the time, and she wants me to spend time with her kids and for them to get to know me, so she obviously isn't planning on this not lasting a long time and things not working out between us.  She also keeps talking about if I want to stay with her this, if I stick around that and thinking about the future just not making gaurantee's.  We have been good friends, and I know she finds me attractive and want's more than just a "friends relationship" and wants it to be romantic and more serious eventaully. 

I just don't know what to do I want her back, I want to be by her side for as long as is possible.  I just don't know if I can handle this uncertainty of taking things slow, and the pain from trusting her words before and her having a change of heart (that didn't last very long even). 

Argh and what do my friends say.  "pain means your human and alive" and it's better than not feeling.  Argh, thanks for not minding my cynical, drama filled, rants.  I feel like I'm in high school again, and the drama just isn't as much fun as it used to be, specially when it's only one girl involved.......

Ahhh... I was in that situation once.... I feel your pain.  Believe me, stuff like that should be delt with accordingly. Although.... The way I did it was quite unreasonable. I suggest you don't do it....

I killed him.








Oh the drama!! No, I didn't kill him. xD I don't quite know how to solve your problem, but I'll come up with something.... Eventually. ^_^ Good luck.

Letting go is hard......... very hard......... but

I would suggest telling how you really feel of the whole situation and see how it goes from there........ *dies*.........

What psyhun said. >_> That's probably the best solution.... Other than killing. If only it wasn't a felony... *Sigh*

I don't know.  I know what my feeling are and I know what I want in my heart. 

But I know what my head says too and what my head says makes alot of sense.  It's a whole lot easier to be single and not care than it is to be in a relationship and have to care about people.  But then theres the problem of family interference. 

Maybe I just need to get off work today, turn off my phones, get in my car, and dissappear for a few days so I can just be by myself and get back to the careless me.

OK so this is a good place to vent, even if no one ends up reading it at least I got to vent, which usually works good. 

So after the last post she ended up moving in with the baby's dad for the kids sake (like that ever works) and of course that hasn't worked out.  This time she swears she has learned her lesson, she swears she knows he will never change and will just keep lying to her to get his way time and time again.  She didn't want to be with him, was just there for the kid. 

Well now she wants me to move 2247 miles across the country to california to live with her there.  Not only does she want me to move, but her and the kids are now living with me. 

I can't tell if I'm just that stupid, or what, that made me let her move in.